Monica Toro Gomez: Always Looking for the Open Door
Monica Toro Gomez is a strong and inspirational woman who radiates compassion and strength. She moved to Cincinnati from Colombia with her one-year-old daughter in 2010 and, at the time, didn't know any English. Monica's story of finding her way and a community in a new country is filled with hardships and a tremendous amount of resiliency.
After chatting with her on a rainy day in October, it became clear the world needs more people like Monica, who radiate positivity, despite the obstacles they face. Monica's story and determination are an inspiration for immigrants, mothers, and anyone who believes in the power of their dreams.
Interview by Kelsey Graham. Photography by Chelsie Walter.
Can you talk about growing up in Colombia and what led you to the U.S.?
I was born in Venezuela. My mom and dad were from Colombia. They moved to Venezuela for my dad’s work before I was born. When I was three years old, my mom moved back to Colombia. I’m the fifth of five kids: I have three older brothers – they’re like two years apart – and then my sister and I are 13 years apart. So I was a big surprise. [Laughs.]
Colombia is a very nice, warm environment to grow up in. Families are together most of the time. You help your family. You grow up with your cousins, playing outside on the street, sharing a lot of moments in your house. You dance there. You have food. It’s a very happy environment. I have good memories of my cousins. My mom got divorced when she was pregnant with me, so my aunts played a very important role in my childhood and growing up. I went to a private school that my aunt paid for. I went to a public school for university that was way cheaper than a private one, but she was still supporting me during that part of my education.
Before I finished my degree, I got pregnant. My husband at the time applied for a Ph.D. at the University of Cincinnati, and he got accepted. I moved to Cincinnati when my daughter was one. To me, it was like an adventure. I used to go to Venezuela all the time. Going back and forth, you know, I saw the advantages of getting to know different countries and cultures, and I wanted my daughter to be exposed to that as well. So we started that adventure together. I didn’t know any English, so it was difficult. There were a lot of monetary restrictions. My visa didn’t allow me to work because it was just a dependent visa. So you’re here legally, you can drive, but you can’t rent, and you can’t go to school. If you want to go to school, you have to pay as an out-of-the-country person.
In the beginning, I thought Cincinnati was a small city because I’m from a big city. It was hard to make friends – everybody knows each other – so it’s kinda hard to just enter a group. But then, slowly, I found a group of friends: both immigrants and people from here in the community of Tango del Barrio. I dance tango there. It’s becoming my home every day more and more.
What was your life like once you moved to the United States?
I went to university in Colombia to become an industrial engineer. After you graduate with a difficult degree, you want to work. So it was kind of hard to be stuck with a lot of inconveniences when I wanted to pursue something. My husband at the time was doing a Ph.D. that required a lot of time and concentration, so I said, “Okay if I want to pursue and apply for a scholarship to do a master’s or something, what about my daughter? We don’t have anybody here. We’re just alone.” So I didn’t think it was okay to do it. So I said, “Okay, let’s support him; let’s do this.”
It was very hard. We didn’t have a car, and we just had one phone. I learned how to ride the buses with no English. I never let that stop me from doing things. I used to take my daughter to the downtown library because they have a lot of Spanish books and activities there. I took E.S.L. classes everywhere they were free. I would find a bus to take me there, even if I had to take two buses. Then I learned how to drive. We bought a car, and I started driving – and then life expanded a little bit more. We didn’t have a G.P.S., so I needed to go to Google Maps the night before and look up the street, how am I going to turn, and then be very concentrated when I was driving [laughs].
I remember those times, like, a very nice time when you can see that sometimes obstacles are there, not to let you pass by, but to pull you more and take more out of you – [to show you] what you can do. And I never let the language be an inconvenience; I tried to talk and learn. I never let the lack of money be an inconvenience. We found a way through with the help of our friends.
The future is always uncertain. We don’t know what will happen after we finish this interview. But sometimes, you have something set in your mind that helps you to feel more calm. Like, not knowing where you’re going to be in five years. Sometimes you feel like, okay, is this worth it? Am I making the right decision? Things like that. So just being able to calm your mind and keep going and try to hope for the best was my strategy at that time. My husband found a job, and then our lives completely changed. I’m like, I’m someone here. I have a social security number, I can get things, I can buy things, and I can apply for a job. That was, whew, a very nice point.
How did you get involved with Tango del Barrio?
I remember one time we had a Thanksgiving get-together with some friends, and they were all immigrants, so everybody brought their own food. It was like Romanian, Colombian, different places, and we all shared. One of the guys was taking tango classes, and I was like, “Oh, tango from Argentina; I always wanted to take some classes.” And he said, “Yeah, you can come.” So I started to go there, and I found a community, and they became my family here. They all were very welcoming. You see a lot of diversity there. Immigrants, different colors, ages, genders. My English started improving a lot there because I had someone to practice with. You know, you can go to classes, and learn but the moment you have a conversation and use it, you’re like, “Okay, what should I say?” So that’s how it started in 2016, and now I teach the beginners level every Friday.
Can you talk about your current work? What do you enjoy most about working with students?
When I was able to work, finally, I started applying for engineering jobs. I had a car accident in 2017 with my daughter, and we both had concussions. I lost a lot of memory, so it was reborn in this sense that I had to learn that I have a limitation, but it’s not a limitation – it’s like a new condition. I wasn’t the same Monica as before, like before I could have a to-do list on the top of my head and do it. Now, I have to write it down, or sometimes I forget things. If I don’t see it, I have no idea that this exists anymore. So I was able to get more connected with the present and being alive because it could’ve been… my car was totaled, so it could have been worse. Learning how to take those everyday challenges and going through all of those processes of recovering was like a gift. I’m here, and my daughter is here.
So when I was starting to apply for interviews, they said, “Oh, you graduated in 2012, and you haven’t worked as an engineer. What can you offer us?” But again, sometimes I have obstacles in my life. I’m like, okay, I’ll plant these seeds, and let’s see which ones bloom. I saw these work opportunities for interpreters, and I was like, “Oh, it’s Su Casa, I love it!” And I applied for it. I have my interview there, and they say, “We need someone today at this school. Are you able to go there?” And I have all my papers already filled out, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m able to.”
I was excited. It was parent conferences, and it wasn’t one-on-one, so I’m like, it’s in a bilingual school where people speak Spanish and English, so they probably speak better English than I do. So I had some anxiety and excitement at the same time in a room with a lot of parents. The principal said I needed to translate everything to the parents. I was like, “Okay, if life put me here, it’s for a reason, and I’m going to do it the best I can. Take the strength you have and do it.” So I did it, and it went very well.
My daughter’s teacher from Sands Montessori was a Spanish speaker and was excited to see me there working finally. She knew I couldn’t work, and I couldn’t do a lot of things. She said, “You should find a job here,” and I was like, “Okay, if they have something. I’m still applying for something more permanent.” And they got me a position there. I started as a paraprofessional with the Cincinnati Public Schools, and I love it. I love everything about it. I love the kids; I love that it’s a school with high needs; I love that they speak Spanish. I jumped from different positions in three or four months, and a teacher left a classroom, and they asked me to be a long-term sub. So I have this new classroom. There were a lot of nice teachers in the building that supported me and helped me do the things I didn’t know about, like how to use Powerschool, Schoology, all of these things.
After a month, we shut down for COVID. So everything was completely uncertain. Then last year, with the in-person and not in-person learning, I asked, “How can I be better, and how can I improve?” You can imagine how happy I feel every day that I can see my badge, and I can say, “Hey, I’m someone here. I can work. I can be there, and I have this bunch of smiles in my classroom that love me, and I love them."
What ways do you help new immigrants in the city get settled?
It's very rewarding knowing I was also a person who needed help getting to know this place, this city, this school system. I had a bachelor’s degree and was a legal person here, so I can’t imagine how it would feel when you don’t have those advantages. So at my school, I give families my number. Sometimes they don’t have working numbers, so I give them my WhatsApp. I’m always available to help them. Sometimes if they couldn’t pick up materials during COVID, I drove to those houses. Or being there explaining to them how this school system works, what are the expectations; some don’t understand the importance of the kids attending school and the seriousness of that. So I explain to them that they can even have legal problems if the kid doesn’t go to school every day. I tell them to learn English.
I have met people who have come here as an au pair, and I will have them in my apartment while they figure out something different. It’s just… imagine that you’re far away from your home, you don’t know anybody here, and the culture – it’s different from the way we are in Colombia. I learned the word “personal space” here, like the bubbles [laughs]. We don’t have that word in Colombia. I’m a hugger, and my kids love hugging me, and I love hugging them. So yeah, just opening resources and possibilities to help them with this experience, to make this experience better, and just not as hard.
What’s been the hardest part of your journey?
I would say dealing with all of the obstacles I had. Learning to calm yourself and say, “It’s okay if this door closes; just look for the one that is open.”
What’s been the most rewarding?
Having my daughter – I think that’s the most rewarding thing. Seeing her grow and giving her everything that I wanted for myself, that sense of belonging to the community, to be able to communicate in another language that I never thought I would be able to. Being in a classroom where those kids are full of needs and giving them the tools to feel a little bit better with themselves and not angry with the world.
What do you know now you wish you knew when you first made the decision to move to the U.S.?
Stay calm. Enjoy every step of the journey instead of being worried about the future. Everything will come at the moment you’re ready for it. So if I had to change something, I would enjoy it more. Every moment being at home with my daughter. You’re not wasting your time; you’re living what’s given to you at that moment. Now I have barely any time for some things that I wish I had more time for, but I enjoy life. I remind myself, one day, it’s going to be paused, so I want to remember I did my best. Just slow down and breathe and keep going. I would say that to me.
Who is an influential woman in your life?
My mom is number one, but I have an aunt too. My mom is very religious, and she has gone through very, very tough things. She’s always like, “Okay God, you know we will survive.” She’s positive and strong and a hard worker and she has a very kind heart. She used to volunteer in an organization in Colombia where people in the poor towns around my city were going through cancer treatment, and she would collect items in the neighborhood. Sometimes she’d ask me, “Monica, I have this girl who is your age, and she doesn’t have any toys. Could you give me one toy?” Sometimes she’d ask me even for the most special ones, and I was able to learn how to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes and not think about what you want and what you need. Sometimes those people would need help, and she would take them into our house and she would take care of them, so that gave me strength.
My aunt is the youngest of my mom’s sisters, and she’s the only one who has a degree. My grandma had 19 kids; nine didn’t make it, but she had 10 and when my aunt was born, my grandma was probably done. So [my aunt] said, “I want to do it differently for my kids,” and now both of her daughters are doctors. She resigned from her job at the time. She said, “I want to take care of my family; I want to be with my family.” Then she found a part-time job because she always knew it was important to feel successful yourself, too. I think those two women are examples for me to keep going and do it the best I can.
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