As a Women of Cincy resident, I had the opportunity to interview any team member of my choice. As I scrolled through the team member profiles on our website I was intrigued by Sarah Urmston’s interest in learning human stories and her experience in empathic research. I decided to interview her because I aspire to be a user experience researcher and hope to learn more about what she does.

I was a little nervous that day because it was my first Women of Cincy interview, but Sarah greeted me on Zoom with her beautiful smile and warm, welcoming voice. The values she stands for, her tender heart, and her passion for storytelling touched me deeply. I walked away from the interview shedding a happy tear and feeling grateful for having the opportunity to know such amazing women through Women of Cincy.

Interview by Janet Chu. Photography by Karly Nemeth.

Tell us about yourself – where you are from and what you do.

I was born and raised in Cincinnati. I've been here my entire life, but I currently live in Covington. I always imagined that I'd leave and go somewhere else, you know, not staying in Cincinnati forever. But just watching the way it evolved over the last couple of years, I realized that Cincinnati wasn't just my hometown; it was a lot more than that. I ended up falling in love with it – it kinda felt like somewhere I want to pour myself into and be a part of in the long term. So I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon.

I work at a company called SEEK, an insights and innovation consultancy. The majority of what I do is – I get to sit down, talk to people, and ask them questions in their own home. Well, not right now. I learn about who they are, their behaviors and feelings on things, and the way that certain products or experiences have an impact on their life, or vice versa. Just having a human conversation.

You were a journalism major at school. Is it the way you were trained to interview and talk to people that brought you to this job?

Yeah, it's funny that I never thought I'd be in research. I studied journalism for five years at U.C., and I loved it so much. I love being able to sit down, talk to people, ask them questions, and tell stories. That ability to engage, to think about what I want to ask next, and having that curiosity to drive conversations definitely carried over into research, because that's exactly what we do everyday. We have to be really curious to learn and ask hard questions, and sit with people in their spaces. That's how you get to know their stories. That's how you research and help a brand know their people: by telling them who they are in the story.

What brought you to Women of Cincy?

My chief operating officer sent me a post from Women of Cincy on hiring residents a couple years ago, so I followed WofC and started reading the stories. Looking at the way they talk about things, I thought , “If only I was back in school, I'd totally intern here.” So I ended up getting in touch with Kiersten [Wones, one of the founders of Women of Cincy] about volunteering, and it was the easiest conversation ever. It felt really natural. Everything that I’ve been doing has built up to doing something like this. It's all very fluid together; it all makes sense.

WofC can drive the work that I do, and I can drive the work of WofC. We are motivated to use empathy to have deeper, bigger, harder conversations with people to get to this greater, more profound output. The way we learn, communicate with people, and step outside of our own shits and into somebody else's – that empathy piece is what I truly believe in. People at WofC are not afraid to do that, and I admire that a lot.

Why is storytelling so important to you?

We are all in our own spaces most of the time. We aren't as willing to understand what another person might be going through, or the reason behind something that they might be doing, or how similar they might be to us. But when you stop and sit down with somebody to start a conversation without first talking about religions and politics, you get to know where they’ve been, or what they’ve been through; you get to know how they grew up, and what they were influenced by or taught to believe; you get to understand their story; you get to know them. Then, you get to understand why they’ve made the decisions that they’ve made, or why their behaviors are a ripple effect of that story.

“That ability to engage, to think about what I want to ask next, and having that curiosity to drive conversations definitely carried over into research, because that's exactly what we do everyday.”

When we talk to each other online or in these places where we get to keep that metaphorical six feet distance, it makes it easier for ourselves to dislike somebody, to write somebody off right away, or to argue with them. When you don't know the full story about somebody, it gets so much easier to make up your own story about them.

I think stories are a unifying common thread that allow us to bridge the gap between differences, to actually know each other, and have empathy for each other. That's why I love being able to do that. That's why when I tell stories, I want to be the best voice I could possibly be for that person. I don't even want to be my voice; it's supposed to be theirs. Wherever I am and whatever medium I use, I'm still going to use that platform to let them tell their story. And I just think that's important, because right now, voices are being shut out quite a bit, and it's really exhausting.

What does empathy mean to you and how do you use it in your work?

Empathy for me is climbing down and sitting with somebody in their very heavy, very dark, very uncomfortable space, and saying to them that you want to sit with them in it, and you are not going to write them off, or tell them what they should do to fix it. Instead you are saying, “Hey, this really sucks, and I'm going to listen. I may not have the right thing to say, or the right answer right now, but I'm here.”

That applies so well to the kind of work that I do. When you start asking people about themselves with depth and curiosity, people are going to lead you into that place more often than not. They're going to start telling you about their lives. Oftentimes their lives have dark places in it, and deeper, sacred things to it. You can't be afraid to step into that place with them if that's the kind of work you do. You can't keep people at six feet when you are trying to get to know them. You have to sit with them, be close with them, and dive into their lives and stories. You have to be okay with being uncomfortable with them at the same time. You are not really gonna get it and feel what they're feeling until you do that.

Tell us about an influential woman in your life.

Oh I have two! The person I admire the most in the public arena is Glennon Doyle. She's just amazing in every way. I’ve followed her ever since I heard about her story with her now-wife. When her book [Love Warrior] came out, it was supposed to be a redemption of her marriage, but her marriage had ended after she wrote it. I was like, “Damn, it's really bold to put this thing out there, still go about living your life and your truth, and making yourself happy, while setting aside what everybody else was saying about that happiness.”

At the time, I was dating my first girlfriend ever. I was still navigating through it, and there was no approval from many of my family and friends. So when I saw this woman who was boldly and courageously living out her truth – being exactly who she was, ending her marriage, putting everything out on the line, and seeing what would happen, I loved that, even though it was terrifying! So I did that for myself – I cut ties with some friends and my partner at the time, and I was basically like, “This is how I'm gonna live. You can stay or you can go.” And I took a chance on this other person who I'm marrying this year. When I look around at my life now, I'm so glad I did that. Reading Glennon’s most recent book Untamed, she constantly reminds me to keep those wheels going by living what’s true for you, and not worrying about having others decide your truth.

“I think stories are a unifying common thread that allow us to bridge the gap between differences, to actually know each other, and have empathy for each other.“

The other person would be my mother. I probably would not have said that a few years ago, but I have learned a lot about her in the last couple of years. She's been through a lot recently. I’m slowly watching her give less and less of a shit about what people think. It's kind of for the same reason that I admire Glennon. She's so boldly her. Some of the best advice she ever gave me was that I need to stop worrying about making people feel comfortable, because it's time people get a little bit uncomfortable. I’ve kept that in my head every time I have to make a decision for myself or to be myself in any scenario. Because people need to be a little uncomfortable sometimes. That's not my problem; that's theirs. It's funny that I'm hearing out loud that both of these women are influencing me for the same thing.

Community Mix is our monthly hodge-podge of content from the voices of a hodge-podge of beautiful Cincinnatians. This is “Meet the Team,” where our residents get to help us celebrate the amazing volunteers that make this mission work. Are you human identifying? Join the team.

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Meet the Women of Cincy Team: Sarah Urmston