By the Book: Sex Talk with Your Local Librarian, Chapter 5
Written by Emma Willig.
I hope you had a fun month of experimenting and tried something new. I sincerely hope it was positive, and you learned something about yourself and your partnership. This month, I am happy to announce I am covering the book Respect: Everything a Guy Needs to Know About Sex, Love, and Consent by Inti Chavez Perez.
This is for the guys out there who need a lesson, tips, or encouragement in all things relationship-related. This book covers everything from understanding your own body and emotions, showing respect and care toward yourself and partner, the standards of taking off a bra, having sex for the first time, learning about the possibilities of your sexuality, and understanding the difference between sexual relationships and the media. Other books cover these same topics – but this one is an easy read. Straight to the point, not too scientific, and not at all intrusive or condescending… which is how I usually feel when I initially skim through books like these.
Emma’s Two Cents: I have a perfect example: Educating yourself could as simple as men understanding that it can be very easy for women to get a urinary tract infection if they don’t use the restroom right after having sex.
For everyone else, this is still an excellent opportunity to dive into another brilliant mind of sex education. It’s nice to read about sex from a different perspective and understand yet again that this is something that everyone does – and not just to reproduce. The majority of sex that we have is for pleasure. I’ll reiterate time and time again that the more you educate yourself and use safe practices, the better the sex becomes – every single time.
“There are so many nuances to sex that are often overlooked in media, and we have to acknowledge what’s realistic.”
Two Cents: I have a perfect example: Educating yourself could as simple as men understanding that it can be very easy for women to get a urinary tract infection if they don’t use the restroom right after having sex. For some women – like immediately after. Don’t get offended if they have to excuse themselves and then come back for a cuddle session (or if they don’t want one at all… *Shrug.* It be like that sometimes). It’s just part of it!
Chavez Perez also writes a few times about the media’s influence on how sex “looks.” I want to highlight this because I think it’s crucial. Often in movies, usually in pornography, sex looks pretty quick – some kissing, nakedness, penis into a vagina, climax, sleeping. And LIKE… It's not that simple! These depictions take away the intimacy, the playfulness, the wholesomeness. This takes away the fact that two men or two women can have sex with the same fulfilling intimacy. There are so many nuances to sex that are often overlooked in media, and we have to acknowledge what’s realistic. You are real – your partner is real.
I want to take a second to go back to the title of the book and what it means to show respect. For all of us, respect comes in so many forms in the variety of our relationships. However, you can always practice these few and simple things to make it all a little easier:
Be honest with your partner. If it’s just a late-night call – make that clear. If they say no – oh well.
Don’t be unkind to someone for not being in the mood or for breaking things off or for being disinterested. It’s where they are at that moment. Maybe they need a friend instead?
Honor yourself, and that will honor your partner.
As we go into the holiday season, think about ways to show your partner you care, you respect them, and you appreciate them on a fundamental level. You ARE spending some pretty intimate time with them after all.
X.O.,
Emma
Community Mix is our monthly hodge-podge of content from the voices of a hodge-podge of beautiful Cincinnatians. Catch “By the Book” from your local librarian Emma Willig on the first Saturday of every month for a journey through the strange and wonderful world of sex.