By the Book: Sex Talk with Your Local Librarian, Chapter 6
Written by Emma Willig.
It’s that month of the year, friends: February. You might have love on the brain. You might have Singles Awareness Day on the brain. But whether you’re involved with somebody or highly focused on your self-love, there’s one thing we all know we can experiment with, right? Sex!
This month, let’s talk about ~fantasies.~
I KNOW all of us have had a sweet, sweet fantasy. Has anyone had the ability to make their fantasy come true? Would you if you could? Is it too kinky, too raw, or too everything-that-you-never-do? Has anyone ever told you that fantasies are bad? Have you fantasized while you were having sex? You probably have while masturbating, but what about when you’re with a partner? Is that bad?
According to Dr. Ruth, fantasies are a way to increase your libido. Y’all already know I trust this girl. I like what she has to say. If you’re overwhelmed or distracted by work, finances, or stress, it might help to fantasize about a threesome – if that will do it for you. She tells us it’ll help our present partnerships.
Emma’s Two Cents: Take it easy. Enjoy yourself, or enjoy your partner. Have some fun! Eat the chocolate. Drink the wine. Indulge in your life for a moment. Don’t put pressure on Valentine’s Day; it doesn’t have to be perfect in order to end the night curled up under the fleece blankets surrounded by love.
I think that if it makes you feel guilty (to reiterate: it shouldn’t), talk through a fantasy scenario with your partner. Close your eyes and go through some of the motions together. It’s okay to be shy, but try something new. This could turn into a fun game, something that you’ll both laugh about, or perhaps be completely embarrassed by, but continue to work through it. It’s a great stepping stone to switching it up when you’re nowhere near a tiny airplane bathroom to rip each other’s clothes off. If you have a kink, now is your time to share with your person. Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about kinks in the near future.
If you’re by yourself this February, buy a new toy! Buy new lube! Wear something sexy for yourself! Show yourself off in the mirror! Do you, boo boo, because you can’t get down with love-making until you’re totally in love with yourself.
My two cents for this month is to take it easy. Enjoy yourself, or enjoy your partner. Have some fun! Eat the chocolate. Drink the wine. Indulge in your life for a moment. Don’t put pressure on Valentine’s Day; it doesn’t have to be perfect in order to end the night curled up under the fleece blankets surrounded by love.
And if you need more Dr. Ruth in your life this month, check out her appearance on N.P.R.’s “Ask Me Another.”
Next month, we are going to dive into something a bit more serious, but as always, informative! Lots of love, babes!
X.O.,
Emma
Community Mix is our monthly hodge-podge of content from the voices of a hodge-podge of beautiful Cincinnatians. Catch “By the Book” from your local librarian Emma Willig on the first Saturday of every month for a journey through the strange and wonderful world of sex.