Sex Talk with Emma: A Chat with Natalie Andrews
Y’all, I’m so thrilled to share this one with you finally. I had the chance to have a phone conversation with Natalie Andrews, a sex and relationship therapist, to address a few things that we, as women, deal with daily! I feel like there are so many things that we don’t talk to one another about, and I wanted to air it all out here by getting advice from a local source. Natalie is cool, calm, and collected while being open and compassionate about some of our collective sex struggles.
Interview by Emma Willig. Photo provided by Kortnee Kate.
Alright, Natalie, I’m so excited to talk with you today – first one is easy: How did you get into sex therapy?
There’s just such a great need for this, and there’s a lack of education in our society around sex. Marriage, family, and sex counseling all fill that gap. I saw many teens who experienced sexual trauma and didn’t have adults in their lives to talk to – I felt honored to be that person, and it has impacted my journey throughout my career.
What would you say is the most common problem for women seeking sex therapy?
The most common is definitely low libido – women feeling uninterested in having sex with their partner. I think that a lot of this stems from a societal structure of women feeling like something is wrong with them if they don’t want to have sex all the time – let alone months. And then the pressure and guilt associated with low libido; the thought of, “My partner wants it, so why don’t I?”
Photo provided by Kortnee Kate.
Is there anything in particular women feel they are the only ones experiencing?
We already talked about low sexual desire, and while it is most common, I know that women have isolating feelings about that. Another big one is sexual pain or dyspareunia. We definitely don’t feel comfortable talking about it, and most women think, “Oh, this is normal; there’s always a little pain.” Plus, we are given this old adage, “A little pain amounts to pleasure,” – which isn’t true. Women don’t know about vaginismus (a condition involving a muscle spasm in the pelvic floor muscles) or other sexual disorders, but you aren’t alone!
[Writer’s Note: If you are experiencing sexual pain, make an appointment with your gynecologist, and don’t be afraid to get real! You have to advocate for yourself, always!]
What advice do you have for women who are new to (or reengaging with) sex and falling in love with their bodies?
I’ll make it simple: Good sex is about authenticity and curiosity. Women get caught up in wanting to do things “right.” We are afraid that we will look or sound silly, and our partner won’t be into it. You don’t have to know everything; let go and see where it takes you! Don’t fall into the idea that sex ends when a man has an orgasm.
I’m here for all of that! What about advice for women who have “done it all”?
Our bodies change over time, along with our thoughts and ideas about sex and sexuality. Allow that change to happen and evolve with it. Have your trusty go-to positions, but then try something that maybe you’ve done in the past but didn’t like at the time. See how you feel now, perhaps even just add modifications because you know your preferences.
Never stop “dating” your partner. Have fun and make time for each other. Continue learning and exploring all the things about your person.
There’s a great statistic that says, “Women in their 60s have the best sex.” I think this is so awesome! It flips the narrative that men are the ones with higher or more sexual drive. When we are young and overthinking things, it can be tough to get out of that bubble. This just shows that women have the same sexual desire, and I think that’s so important to call out. Remember: it’s not you – it’s the context and the standards.
Yes, yes, yes! Alright, what about a pearl of wisdom for us?
I’ll give you a few!
Sex is about being authentic.
There is no right or wrong way to have sex as long as there is consent.
Do you!
What is your favorite piece of advice you have gotten over the years, whether in sex or relationship building?
Oh, there are so many – I’ll give you a couple.
Never stop “dating” your partner. Have fun and make time for each other. Continue learning and exploring all the things about your person.
Don’t try to be a mind reader. You can be with someone 20, 30, 40 years and not know everything – there’s a great impact of not assuming you know everything about your partner.
Such needed reminders! I need to remember the mind reader piece for many aspects of my life. Lastly, we wouldn’t be Women of Cincy without asking: Who is an influential woman in your life?
Too many to count! But, I have to say, my little sister. She had a natural birth and now has a beautiful 9-month-old and runs her own business. She does all kinds of things and is one of the strongest women that I know. I know I’m older, but I completely look up to her. She’s doing amazing things with her life, along with being an incredible mother and partner.
Thank you, Natalie, for taking the time for this, and to Emma Schmidt & Associates for coordinating! Looking for sex (marriage, family, LGBTQ+, etc.) therapy in Cincinnati? Look no further – these women do it all with knowledge and compassion.
Community Mix is our monthly hodge-podge of content from the voices of a hodge-podge of beautiful Cincinnatians. Catch up on “By the Book” and check out new editions of “Sex Talk with Emma” on the first Saturday of every month for a journey through the strange and wonderful world of sex.